Reaction to the Rising Stars rosters, and other All Star Weekend thoughts
JEREMY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII….IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…..IIIIIIIN. Alright, now that we got that out of our system, let’s get on with this.
The first event we all found about was the Three-Point Shootout, with the roster being well… odd, with the Miami Heat having James Jones and Mario Chalmers “lead” the way. The Hawks have their official Allstar because………… Kevin Love will do Kevin Love things, Anthony Morrow will probably win, and Ryan Anderson will tell anyone and everyone that yes he is a good basketball player. I wish they let Bird organize and run this every year, god knows he would at least make it competitive.
Next up is the new and weakened Dunk Contest. I feel so ambivalent right now towards this. On the one hand, yeah this will probably pretty competitive, on the other hand, the biggest name involved is a guy who isn’t even participating. Shumpert is my early favorite, because I love that song and he plays for the Knicks. What else doe you need to know? I hope Paul George does something crazy though and Chase needs to make up for this. Really though, I hate everything involved with fan voting. I am not against fan involvement, but I am against giving power towards people who are not the most prepared and informed for it. Of course this is a dunk contest with no real star power so being over the fan vote is just another sign about how bitter I am.
Really the event that is getting the most buzz is the rising stars challenge, now featuring Basketball jesus 2.0, and Norris Cole, both playing for team Shaq. The “draft” was held earlier today while I was traveling, and really the only things I want to say about the order: I was banking on Splitter being the last pick and then going something like 7 of 8 and trolling everyone, but having Evan Turner go last behind Tristian Thompson is pretty awesome also, and how was RUBIO NOT THE FIRST PICK? He is the best all star PG in the league not named Steve or maybe Chris, DAMN YOOOOU. I really like how Chuck constructed his team other than leaving Rubio off. He has John Wall though, and well, I will let the supreme overlord of ballers delight explain what is going to happen. While I might not agree that Wall needed to go second like he does, but if theres going to be an environment this year that brings out the best in wall, it will be the one where he was picked after Kyrie, Rubio, Some Human, and Kemba. So much anger just ran through my veins writing that. Anyway, if I try to do anymore analysis of this my blood pressure would power a small airplane. BULLET POINTS
- What to watch for
- Greg Monroe and Tiago Splitter will combine for a bunch of points incredibly efficiently, swallow rebounds, and have one combined dunk. Since this isn’t real basketball, they will be boo’d off the court and receive five game bans.
- If it come’s down to a last second shot for team Shaq, Organic Matter will shoot. If he misses, policy 24 will be implemented, and time will be put on the clock and all defenders be removed. If he misses a second time, all tapes of the game will be destroyed and a gag order will be implemented about the final 4 minutes.
- Blake Griffen will dunk several times
- Blake Griffen will take several long two’s
- Blake Griffen still won’t know how to spell efficiency, even after you spot him the N-O-L-O-N-G-T-W-O-S.
- Paul George growing to be 6’10” will be mentioned in the most awkward moment possible.
- The most emotional time during the game will be when they pay tribute to Whitney Houston. Even I can’t be a dick about that.
- Pun’s will roam rampent.
- Team Shaq will try to to run Kemba-Lin-Rubio-Cole-Knight out at some point, at which Charles Oakley will choke him out and declare himself master of all things basketball. Nobody protests, because not only does anyone really think this is a bad idea, who really wants to tell Charles Oakley he is wrong.
- Ref’s will be replaced by three kids from Make A Wish, and not a single foul is called. In related news the last 5 minutes of the fourth quarter take only 7 minutes thanks to commercials and one stupid Shaq timeout.
- Sentient Life will win MVP, even if his team loses by 25+ and he barely plays.\
Strive to be less angry than me, it’s not hard